Everyone needs Someone
They say it’s always good to talk to someone than keeping it to yourself. But sometimes you just knew that certain things are best kept to yourself no matter what. Especially those very personal & private to you in relation to your own family. Not everyone think, react and solve the same way as you do. We have our own different views and perception that we stand by and believe in that sometimes no matter how realistic the other person may react, to us, it’s just not what it’s suppose to be. So that’s 1 reason why I’ve kept most problems to myself lately.
And in my situation, it may affect the pride of another party and it’s beyond my intention to ever leak out things it shouldn’t be. Besides most of them are adults who are mature enough to think of the consequences to their own actions. They knew it might affect everyone else yet they chose the path without thinking of other alternatives to their problem and why should I be the one explaining and trying to make it seem like they are doing something right when clearly you know that it’s very unwise a decision to make.
Anyway, I’ve grew up being taken care of by most of my cousins and family. Well, they say I was the most lovable and cutest that everybody just wanna have the time to care and love me when I was young. As I grow, we grew apart and the distance gets wider and things got on differently. It’s partially my fault for not trying to make the gap gets closer when it’s getting wide as time passed by but it takes 2 hands to clap ain’t it?
So, over the years, I’ve been closed to only a few, just less than 4 i think? They are mostly my grandmother, my cousin Yaya, my cousin Kak Nadiah and my late grandfather. They are the only ones I can really confide in. Most of the time, Yaya is my confidente. Kak Nadiah is the next but we were both busy with school, work and our daily lives. So both me and Kak Nadiah almost hadn’t been contacting for like 2 years?
Lately, we just started communicating again. We use to do that occasionally, sharing our problems, confiding in each other just about anything and everything. We could spend hours and hours of talking on the phone laughing and just laughing. There’s never been a time that I was mad at her. Wait. Maybe there was or maybe there isn’t or maybe I just couldn’t remember but I knew none for now that’s for sure. She’s just the right person for me to talk to and at this point of time, I do wish she knew exactly what I’ve been through and am going through but it’s just not the right time. And I will never know when it’s gonna be the right time. We may have certain things in common but we are different in many other ways. But when it comes to opinion and the way we think, it’s pretty much alike.
I’m glad she chose to talk to me today out of the blue but it truly means alot! I laughed so hard and so much that I’m still smiling now. She’s the kind who is very bubbly and that’s why I love her. I just wanna say, ‘Thank you’ for always being there. And honestly, sometimes I do wish I could be like you, being able to enjoy all the family trips you had with mak long and pak long and getting all the attention from your own family. If I wasn’t mistaken, I used to be jealous of you. Jealous not as in very jealous but rather jealous for not being able to join in and feel the love and warmth of a family.
But as I get mature, I always tell myself that even though I may not get those attentions and love and outings, I’m blessed that I still have my grandparents and Yaya who are the ones who really make me feel complete. Very much complete that I forgot I was even ever jealous of you. Well, that was when I was very young, about 16 when all the jealousy comes about and I’m very sorry to feel that way. But now, my conscience is clear, I lead life as it shoud be and follow my heart to where it leads.
Kak Nadiah, you have always make me feel better though it’s just a phone call. I really hope we could do this often and meet up once a while. Next time, it shall be me looking for you, maybe. I will. I’m sorry if I was never there during your hardest or when you needed someone. But you do know that I’m just 1call away, right. I’m always here, always me.
And I just realised that we do need someone no matter what we are going through.