Writing 101, Day 2: View from a Six Year Old

“YES! That’s what I want. Isn’t that what you wanted too?”

“I’ve never said I wanted that! You asked for it over and over again! And I’m just giving you what you want.”

“I don’t care. This is it. Let’s separate. I’m taking my 2 kids with me.”

“Are you sure this is really what you want?”

-Silence-

It was about 4pm in the afternoon and I was in the room when it all happens. I’m not sure what causes this misunderstandings and neither am I aware that this will ever happens to me, to us. Deep down, I prayed that Mom will change her mind and Papa will just hug mom and let it go.

I was shivering with fear, hands wrapped around my little legs while my chin placed on my knees, I sobbed silently.  I was only a 6 year old little girl where the world should look colourful but instead, all I’m seeing is only black and white. I rocked my little body in that same position back and forth, whispering, “Please say no. Please say no. Please say… No..” while tears keep streaming down like a mini waterfall on my face.

Sitting by the side of my little brother’s bed, I turned around and looked at him sleeping peacefully. His face so innocent and pure, I’m sure he was in a deep sleep for he hasn’t moved an inch since the arguments began. Being 2 years different, he may not be able to understand what this is all about. Slowly, I moved my left hand away from my legs and stroke his small little forehead. “What is to become of us? What will it be like without Papa? Will you be able to take it if you know it?” Those questions were prompted in my head as I keep stroking his head and the tears keep rolling down from my tired eyes and it just keep streaming down to my wet chins and my nose starts to get stuck with mucus and my heart suddenly feels like there was a heavy lump and it’s that sadness where you just couldn’t speak no matter how much you try to make it sound. That was the first time I felt sadness. Deep sadness in my heart.

All I wanted to do was to run out of the room and shout at my parents on how disappointed I am with them and that they are being so selfish for thinking about themselves only. I wanted to run away, I wanted to get out of the house to show them my disapproval but in the end, all I did was, slowly stand up and walk to the window and look out staring blankly into space. Images of us during the best of times keep playing in my mind.

I was brought back to those times where little brother and I will bury Papa in the sand with our smiley cheeky face laughing with joy and running away when Papa gets up from the sand looking like a sandy zombie and trying to grab anyone of us who is within reach and drag us to the water for a splash and the one who escapes will stand there laughing hysterically and Papa will come over carrying the last survivor to join them in getting all soaked up with the salty water of the sea. Then how brother and I will fight for a space in the hammock Papa had prepared by tying it on 1 tree to another. It’s Papa’s usual routine whenever we go to the beach. He would always make 2 of it, so that we don’t have to fight over a hammock but that day, there wasn’t enough tree so we had to share 1 hammock. Mom will sit on the mat laughing and smiling looking at us while her hands are busy preparing sandwiches and placing it on a plate for us to eat. “Who will make us a hammock and swim with us in the sea now if Papa is gone?” questioned my little mind.

“Yes, I’m very sure and I’m taking the 2 kids with me no matter what happens. I don’t want them to be separated in anyway.”

My legs felt weak upon hearing those words. I almost collapsed but I managed to hold on to the old window grill and keep on sobbing silently. I closed my eyes, telling myself that this may be just a bad dream. But when I slowly open my eyes, I realised it was real when I heard Papa say, “Ok, we’ll settle this in court first thing tomorrow morning.”

I felt helpless, I felt useless. I couldn’t run, I couldn’t talk. What’s wrong with me I wonder.

“Take Me Away… To better days…. Take me Away… A hiding place..” suddenly my alarm clock sounded and I was brought back to reality. The alarm was set to remind me that the show “Somewhere in Time” on the Superstar Cruise Virgo is about to start in 15 minutes. I hadn’t noticed that I’ve been sitting by the window and got zoomed back to my past of 21 years ago for almost 25 minutes and I might miss the show if I don’t get out of my cabin window room now.

That’s what happens whenever I sit or stand by the window. I’ll keep remembering that little girl who looks into the distant hoping that things will always get better but never did. That little girl who longed  to have a complete family to grow up with but it never happens. That girl who knew that her brother needed a father’s attention and touch but never get it. That little girl who hoped so much but each day no matter how much those hopes diminished bit by bit, she still hang on for her little brother, being strong and independent and trying hard to be a good example for her only little brother. What’s worst, she would always ask herself, “If I had been brave enough that day, will I be able to save my parents marriage?” “Am I to blame for not stopping them?”

However, slowly she was able to let it go for she know that hoping and wanting something badly may not be healthy for the mind and soul. Hence she’s started to forgive and forget 5 years ago and the room with a view of that little girl slowly seems so far away. Now, it has been replaced with sweet memories of her solo travel journeys and the images of her love ones smiling happily even without Papa. She learns to accept the changes and the things that life has to offer and still feel blessed with everything she has left.

The view is no longer black and white. It is now as colourful as the beautiful rainbow that shows up after a drizzling rain.

ByTheWindowOfSuperstarCruiseVirgo

ByTheWindowOfSuperstarCruiseVirgo

[Writing 101, Day 2: A Room with a View Prompt: Today, choose a place to which you’d like to be transported if you could — and tell us the backstory. How does this specific location affect you? Is it somewhere you’ve been, luring you with the power of nostalgia, or a place you’re aching to explore for the first time?

Today’s twist: organize your post around the description of a setting.]

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